Carpet Bag

There is a appellation that has been assigned to me, Mary Poppins. It is not because my transportation is an umbrella or I can make "spoonful of sugar" moments, but it is my purse. I guess I probably can't even categorize it as a purse, it is more like a weekend bag. I am often asked if I have the kitchen sink in there. I always thought I was merely following the ever so prudent scout's motto , "Be prepare".
Having an infant requires a certain amount of bring along stuff that takes a larger bag to carry it, but when I no longer need all the items, excluding a small pouch of diaper and wipes, my bag is still extraordinarily over sized and jam packed with other "necessary items".
If your child or mine skids a knee, I have a first aid kit, or if allergies were to suddenly come on I have a small pharmacy located just inside. Need a pen I got five to choose from. Coupon book? I got it. Hair in a frenzy? Here's a comb, bobby pin, and elastic. I suppose I substituted my childhood security blanket with a security bag!

Rewind

If only I could have a rewind button!! So many times in my life not to mention in a day, I wish I could just stop and rewind back a few minutes. Like the times I go to say good bye or hello to someone and go in for the hug. In my defense it is out of habit that I hug when I greet but still there are those people I don"t know well enough to hug but end up hugging anyway. It is so awkward!!! Or when I am getting off the phone with a customer service or front desk personal and tell them "I love you". Then there is that pregnant silence on the other line. So I just end with Uhhh.... click.

But then there are the times that really matter and I say or act a way that I don't really want too. I need a buffer minute, a wrinkle in time that allows me to recognize what I am doing and take it back before it has entered space and effected someone. Because many times I end up continuing down the path of regretful behavior until it is too late to brush it off.

When it absolutely comes down to it. It is the relationship and the other person that matter far greater than my initial reaction. So, if I can some how install a regret preventor device I could by pass these entirely painful experiences. I will put out a want ad!!

indoor gardening

I don't know about yours, but my kitchen floor seems to grow crumbs simultaneously. I could be sweeping my floor and by the time I get to where I started there are new sprouts of crumbs. I don't think it is my inablility to sweep throughly, I really think my floors produce its own morsels of crackers, cereal, and who knows what else.
I need a remedy. Do you think I could find it in the Lawn and Garden section of my grocery store?

Rainy Days

I don't know what is it about rainy days that makes me so nostalgic. I love the fresh scent of earth and the gray hue that becomes the backdrop to every scene. My mind seems to transcend into a time far before I was born. A time where Jane Austen characters were the everyday crowd and we all spoke in poetry.

I want to find a window sill and curl up with a book or write a letter. ( As if anyone even writes letters anymore). I find my mood throughout the day is comfortable and content. I wonder how the rain's magic is able to work on me as it does the earth. I like to think that a rainy day is a chance to douse my pages of worry till they get a little soggy, and easy to mold into a ball that is able to roll away and leave me knowing I have other things to admire and remember. And as the rain disperses and the sun returns the ball will dry and what was written on those pages will be illegible.

Redemption

Is every life redeemable? I know theologically all sins are paid for by our savior, but the more I think about those people that harm children and destroy so many lives I can't comprehend a punishment that fits the crime. I am almost sure this is a lack of understanding on my part. Perhaps if I were to know all things I would have complete peace in my heart knowing the price someone pays for committing such horrific acts is very suitable.
"Redeem" is an interesting word, It means to recover ownership or to save from a sinful state and its consequences. So in my mind not only am I referring to the perpetrator but those that are victimized.
During tragedies in our lives, big or small, are we able to recover ownership of our lives? I fear more often then not the victim suffers most from the inability to do this.
I know this is a somber subject so sorry for the downer, but at least it gives us something to chew on.

Run Forest

As I get my running clothes on first thing in the morning ( just to make sure I actually going running) I always go through the same series of thoughts...I'm too tired to do this, I have to ask my mom to watch baby AGAIN, and last but not least I am not seeing the results I want with my body so why bother.
But somehow I always end up pushing back my mental blocks and stepping out onto the roadway and begin to run, I don't run anywhere particularly beautiful or stunning. It is mostly along a fairly busy road with big shoulders or a large sidewalk. So, I have wondered many times why? Why do I still do it?
I don't know why many times, but if during those times I were to really think about it I would remember the moments of silence. I have my earbuds in just case I need a boost of energy, but when the music is not playing the earbuds block out the sounds of the world and only leaves the consistent rhythm of me breathing. It becomes surreal as the world moves around you yet you are only in tune with the most simple function we perform, breathing.
It may sound bizarre but it always brings me back to the basics of my life. And lets admit it, sometimes in life we just need to breathe.

Eyesore

As my day is winding down and my kiddies are still whispering in their darkened rooms, hoping I will not hear them, I just finished doing my last sweep through my house to pick up any left out homework pages, articles of clothing, and cleaning up for the final time today. (phew!)

The collection of baby toys seems to continually grow into a larger and larger pile in my very decorated living room. The room in which I am constantly trying to maintain and update so when anyone comes over they are able to recognize my style and personality. But more often then not the pile of baby toys takes center stage. It is not that my decorating is anything to write home about, but it is just ironic. The mound of tattered toys, which I have to unceasingly move from all over the living room floor, stairs, kitchen, and my bedroom back to their designated spot beside the fireplace is the focal point. It is a love-hate relationship, if I were to move them from the living room to another part of the house the baby would never play with them and they would be unused.

In spite of all this I love my hugely obnoxious eyesore pile of baby toys. I know one day there will be no need for toys in my living room and I will long for the days when I stub my toe on legos and pull-along toys. This day will come far sooner than I want it. So here's to bruised toes, sore backs, and the horrible eyesore.

Break up

Doesn't it seem like days will fly and you look back and think about what you have done through out that 24 hour period and wonder if you actually accomplished anything? I am embarrassed to say too many days like this have come and gone so they are without number.
My mind not only goes to the never ending kid and home list,(Which I never seem to finish) but it goes beyond that. It wanders to my far reaching aspirations. Now, I am not blaming my undone dream list on my children or any other wonderful distraction in my life, but it can be directly connected to my lack of ambition.
Funny thing huh? These dreams are what I have wanted for a long time, but I, and only I, hold myself back. I think it is a fear of failure, lack of ability, and of course the oh so familiar companion of self doubt........ I am ready to bid farewell to these unwanted counterparts. I acknowledge this will be a long drawn out break up. There will be times when I will go crawling back to our dysfunctional relationship just so I can be on familiar ground. But with each fall back I will grow stronger and hopefully not stay for long, till eventually they will be merely "EX"s.

Here I Am

I never really knew what people did with blogs or why I would want one. I figured blogging was reserved for the clever or interesting. Since I consider myself neither I resisted the blog phenomenon.
So what changed you ask? I am still not clever or interesting but I just finished reading a book, " A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hossein. One of the main characters was a woman who felt her life was mundane and of little meaning to anyone, ( and sorry to say even to herself) but when the story was said and done she lived a life that meant something to someone.
Now I am not implying that my life is full of grand events or meaningful to anyone else, but I think everyone has a story worth telling.
Our stories may not be anymore than everyday activities, but everyone has them. And what better way to connect with others then to know we are not alone and we all have something to share. SO, here I am!!